Burnout and Caregivers

This isn’t how I expected to kick off summer 2025.

But the truth is: I’m burned out. And I’m learning (again) that knowing how to prevent burnout is not the same as doing the work to prevent it.

Burnout is Emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment. KENDY ADD IN MORE INFORMATION HERE?!

It happens when there is a buildup of stress and no resolution of what’s called “the stress cycle.” 

Animals have a very tidy way of dealing with stress (and therefore, to our knowledge, they do not experience burnout). The stressor occurs (here comes a lion!), they take action (run!), and there is resolution (return to safety, shake it off, take a nap).

Animals do not hold onto stress because they complete the stress cycle every time. They do not ruminate on “what would have happened if the lion had gotten too close?” It’s out of sight, out of mind.

Humans, however, have the unfortunate combination of:

1. Ability to control ourselves (which often means stuffing our feelings) and

2. Exposure to chronic underlying stressors - everything from email notifications to the 24-hour news cycle, let alone the stressors of parenting.

Rather than being episodic: stressor → response → resolution,
our stress is constantly simmering under the surface.

from a sick child staying home from daycare, a flat tire, a demanding boss, or even just trying to think up one more nutrient-packed meal to make for dinner that accounts for this one’s food allergies and that one’s preferences. 

On top of that, we are constantly trying to regulate our emotions so we can be calm and present with our children.

But self-regulation often manifests as control or suppression of emotion, rather than expression and discharging of emotion.

The difference? One keeps the stress inside the body and the other moves it through and out the body.

Personally, I have noticed that over the past few months, I have been doing things I thought were self-care (or at least things I was doing just for myself), but were really ways of numbing and dissociating, instead of truly attending to my own needs.

Things like:

• Staying up late to get some alone time, only to end up scrolling for hours and going to bed late

• Stress-eating at night

• Consuming way too much news

Although I still practice meditation and some breathwork exercises, I have not been as consistent with these. Sometimes I am more likely to read and learn about these practices than to actually DO them.

Eventually, things got out of balance: the stress started to overtake the things I was doing to keep the stress at bay.

• Walk in the woods as early in the day as possible

• Read instead of scroll (I deleted social media apps from my phone!)

• Listen to my body - rest when I feel like resting, move when I feel like moving

• Embodiment practices

• Go slow

• Ask for help (eek! This one is so hard for me!)

Above all, I see this time of burnout as an invitation to tune in, listen to my inner knowing, and reach for all the supportive tools I have available, from mindfulness to movement. 

Lastly, drawing on my own research on mindful parenting and parenting stress, I am reminding myself to practice self-compassion. (Check out this blog post for more on self-compassion in parenting.)

I am offering myself the same care and concern I would offer one of my children if they were burnt out.

If they felt depleted and needed to rest, I’d say, “go to bed!”

If they felt like they had too much on their plate, I would try to lighten their load or let them off the hook.

What the Research Says:

• Mindfulness reduces stress and emotional exhaustion

• Mindfulness mitigates burnout

• Enhances emotional resilience and well-being

Completing the Stress Cycle:
Physical activity

• Crying

• Creative expression

• Connection with others

• (Visual list from Nagoski sisters)

Nervous System Regulation

• Jump up and down/Shake it off

  • Moves energy through the body

• Feel the feeling all the way through

  • Complete the stress cycle

• Brain gym

• Bilateral stimulation

• Humming or singing